From Frustration to Prayer

Sometimes I say “Oh Lord” when I hear about the shenanigans friends get into or when I glimpse the exasperating self-checkout where people who apparently have never experienced how to ring up things decide today is a good day to do just that…with their incredibly full cart.

Lately I have been listening to a lot of Lauren Daigle…while I cook, in the shower, working out, cleaning the house. If I could describe my current mood, it would be “Lauren Daigle” because she just seems to be singing what my heart and mind are feeling right now. One particular song has slowly become something I am praying instead deep within, and I find my cries of “O Lord O Lord” have been a welcome comfort instead of exasperation and frustration. It reminds me that He is right there with me, when I often like to lie to myself that He’s not, or He’s left me. He doesn’t. He hears. He meets me in my desperation, my loneliness and says “This will be made right.” It may not be mine to see, or experience, but it’s His.

So now when I cry out “O Lord O Lord” I know He’s already at work, but He’s there in the midst listening. I know my prayers are reflective of a God who is with me, a God who hears, who wants me to cry out to Him instead of in my own frustrations.


Part of Lauren Daigle’s “O’ Lord” is quoted below in how I have been praying it out. Maybe you needed it today or tomorrow. Maybe you needed to recognize your heart and mind have needed to cry out to God in a way that only you and He communicate. Whatever the means, know He’s listening.

Though times it seems
Like I’m coming undone
This walk can often feel lonely
No matter what until this race is won
I will stand my ground where hope can be found
I will stand my ground where hope can be found

Oh, O’Lord O’Lord I know You hear my cry
Your love is lifting me above all the lies
No matter what I face this I know in time
You’ll take all that is wrong and make it right
You’ll take all that is wrong and make it right

Your strength is found
At the end of my road
Your grace it reaches to the hurting
Still through the tears and the questioning why
I will stand my ground where hope can be found!
I will stand my ground where hope can be found!

Oh, O’Lord O’Lord I know You hear my cry
Your love is lifting me above all the lies
No matter what I face This I know in time
You’ll take all that is wrong and make it right
You’ll take all that is wrong and make it right

I will stand my ground where hope can be found!
I will stand my ground where hope can be found!

Oh! O’Lord O’Lord I know You hear my cry
Your love is lifting me above all the lies
No matter what I face this I know in time
You’ll take all that is wrong and make it right
You’ll take all that is wrong and make it right

Dry Bone Season

This weekend I spent time with women in my neck of Nashville, joining together with women across the globe to listen, learn and see the Word of God come alive at IF:Gathering. Last year I participated in this same local gathering and felt my perspective shift, my heart come open to some things I had tried to close off or be guarded against that God was really pushing hard on me about.

This year I came in tired and sick…battling an upper respiratory thing all week in the midst of one of the driest seasons I have ever had in my 18 years of Christian living. I ploughed through the holidays trying to conjure up the feelings of Christ’s nearness, of the awe and wonder of Emmanuel and I was just left with a bit of empty and hollowness. Even as the new year rang, things have felt very¬†meh with me and the Lord so to speak.

I have been in a hard study of His Word in 1 and 2 Samuel that I’ll be sharing later this week on, but in all honesty, life hasn’t been really living in Christ for me the last few months. It’s felt like a dry desert kicking up some dust and finding spots of growth even in the parched, but nothing lush and overwhelming, no valleys or mountains…just a dry plateau of this journey.

So as I stumbled into this weekend of IF:Gathering I wondered if I could be engaged, if I would hear Him speak directly to me in the dry life I have been living. In realizing all this about the season I find myself in, I never once sought God out of thirst. I never once went to Him asking for Living Water to fill the parched heart that was just surviving. It’s been a very me-focused push through this journey, never once leaning onto God for help or guidance, for filling or quenching. I just thought I had to muster through in this season I found myself in, because I had chosen to enter this season of dryness on my own accord.

For this season I have chosen to isolate and seclude myself from alot, saying it was out of busyness and a call to quiet my life more. But what it really meant was I need to wall myself off because I was being pushed and challenged in ways I wasn’t ready to process and apply, to change and grow in community. IF:Gathering this weekend centered on the early church, and Acts as the Scripture focal point.

A group of women studying Acts, watch out world…but what struck me most was in Acts 1:7 how Christ is speaking to the disciples one final time, that we aren’t to know the times that are set by Father God because He has ultimate authority, God of all. He is sovereign and true, He is faithful and just. He is worthy and above all else, He can be trusted. So in my dryness I sought water. I sought the fountain of His unending faithfulness and love to be poured out when I simply could not make it for myself. I asked trusting He provides, knowing He is good and will give according to His glory what pleases Him.

It took being in this very dry season to understand that I didn’t have the faith to ask. I sought to do it on my own, as I often fail to see myself doing, and instead seek His well of life-giving truth.


This has been the song of constant prayer over the last few weeks.

I Will Trust In You

Trust is a hard thing to define. Yes, we have what Webster’s defines it as: a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. But it’s not tangible, it’s not firm in our hands. Often times we misplace it.

Or maybe that’s just me.

That I will put trust in someone and find it’s not founded. Or that the trust is abused.

Then I realize most of all I am not always trusting God, trusting Christ with my concerns and trusting the Holy Spirit to lead me. Oh I say I trust in Him fully, I look to verses like Proverbs 3:5,6 which are great screen art and wall hangings….

But am I truly believing them and living it out? Am I trusting in Him with all my heart and not relying on my own understanding? Y’all, I have to admit I try too much to rely on my own understanding. I don’t acknowledge Him in all my ways, instead I go my own way and ask Him to bless that instead.

It makes a mess of things, a heart that thinks it knows best and a mind set on doing it’s very best in a situation. When I look back over the 18 years of my life as a Christian, I can see that placing trust in Him has been good, it’s been reliable. Yet I still want to think I know better for myself instead of the God who orchestrated the Creation of the world. The Savior Who brought my redemption into reality. The Spirit which resides within me daily walking with me in every single moment.

Frankly I am telling Him that I trust myself more. That’s a hard one to admit, even harder to realize that’s exactly what I have been saying for a while. That my own obstinate mind is far superior in the understanding of life than His. Oof. While I wish I didn’t do that, often times I do. Maybe you do too. (Or maybe you are better at this trust of Him than I am) So I try my own way, in my own understanding in a given situation. I step out of follower position and attempt to lead out. Leading from a place of misunderstanding, pride, limited view and disobedient will to show that I trust in me.

Oh I tell Him I trust in Him, I will tell others and listen as they tell me to “just trust God” in it. But I trust Him on up to this point and no further. It all stems from an ego of fallen nature. My family line of trust that points all the way back to Eve, and I just can’t quite shake it. I inwardly laugh at promises He gives because I simply don’t trust in the God Who has been faithful in every single thing He has said.

So I have to step away from lip service of trust and live in it. Live in the trust I so desperately want to call my own and place within me, and lay it down before Him. I have to give my trust over to Him and understand that He is worthy of all my trust. He is reliable. He is my strength. He is Truth. He is able. I have to keep giving it over to Him when I want to place it back in me, believing I know better or can do it all on my own.

It’s not about just saying “I will trust in You, Lord” but about living it out breath by breath, prayer by prayer, step by step and day by day.