Getting Ma’amed

It was bound to happen. At the ripe (and I do mean ripe y’all) age of 36 I got a ma’am from a guy that looked to be about 35 and a half.

EYE ROLL

I was leaving the gym one night and he was parked next to me, had his big ol’ truck’s door flung all the way open and was doing his post-workout “let me situate all my stuff” in his truck. I stood to the side and he looked up and said “Oh sorry about that ma’am” and let me through to get into my car.

not-maam

Let me be clear, I have been ma’amed before. Mostly by kiddos or college students. To be honest I hadn’t really taken offense to any of it because we’re in the South, it’s part of our learning. You ma’am and sir everyone who is in a semblance of authority or out of respect. But this one y’all, this guy got me. It’s been several weeks and I still am thinking on it.

Here’s why…

Because I haven’t really thought what a specific age would be like for me personally. I honestly was never one to say “by 40 I’ll have a husband, a cute refurbed ranch house and two very stubborn children who both take after their father. Oh and that dog I have always dreamed of.” It just wasn’t me, and it still isn’t. Maybe that’s a good thing, but part of me started thinking after I heard the word ma’am come out of this stranger’s mouth that it wasn’t.

I get he was being respectful but it’s opened up a huge thought train in my mind of future planning and where I often tend to cut ties with life on. Yes I have a 401(k) and have a mortgage, so obviously I plan for some future. But I have over the years never really drawn out much beyond the present state of affairs for my life. I jokingly, when asked by friends or family, point to Scripture in my obvious state of holiness saying “Only a fool makes plans and tells them to God.”

But there’s something to be said for pushing towards a future because when I dig into this deeper I find that I don’t think I am truly capable of one. I worry that setting some sort of goal (like writing a book) without putting a marker or date on it, will mean that I will get around to it eventually but have no means for monumental let down if I don’t. That by not putting any investment into some future plans, some hallmarks or goals, I am essentially setting myself up for mediocre living and underperforming to the potential God knows I have.

Am I the only one that does this? That sits in a consistent 45 mph drive and allows life to continue on without looking at where the GPS could take me if I pushed the pedal down or put my hands to the wheel? For me it took hearing a guy call me ma’am to jar me into this space of future, of seeing where life was letting me coast on cruise and where I was allowing myself to sit unchallenged and undefined, sifting through presentness without much concern for future. I am often here for the present making sure I am all the way into it but allowing the future to just come as it may, but now I am finding at this ripe age of 36 that future Sara would like some say in what present Sara is spending her time in, what she isn’t setting aside time to do, and where her goals are being set.

Have you ever had a ma’am moment that shocked you into seeing something about yourself you hadn’t realized was a problem? Where is it you need to set a focus or goal on in the future for yourself?

The Single Writer Rant

Can I tell y’all something? I get a bit agitated when I read Christian single columns or books on dating. That’s my thing right? Like that is exactly what I’m working on a book proposal for, and I hate reading on the subject?

Yes, yes I do.

Here’s the reason why it bothers me so much.

Because at *almost* 36 years of age, I have a very hard time finding a substantive book on dating/Christian singleness that isn’t fluffy junk or preparation for marriage only written by another single Christian. Oh don’t get me wrong, there’s some good stuff out there and I am a big fan of several authors on the matter. The problem lies in when I scroll to their bio (on internet articles) or flip the back cover open. Every single one of them says “married to…” or “wife of…”

Yes I want their expertise and knowledge on this stage of life…but what if this stage is ultimately my landing spot? I want to know how to live in this place of life from someone whose navigating it themselves as a single. My ultimate goal in life isn’t marriage, and most days I don’t think about it. There are days I long for it, and pray about it, and my future husband, yes. (Y’all he needs your prayers, cause I’m obviously quite a handful) My ultimate goal in life is to live in obedience to God, moving ever closer to Christ and who He would have me be.

And so I bring my rant to you the church, to the fellow writers and singletons in the church…let’s step into our lives fully, and talk about them. Let’s be honest enough with ourselves and with our people to learn and grow from one another. I wouldn’t let a fresh out of college kid tell me about the navigation of retirement, so why sit back and let marrieds tell us about our single life? I bring it to the publishers, the editors, the curriculum people…singles in the church and out of the church need their voice in print, in studies, in in-depth richness that pursues more than a marital outcome, but a life shaped and molded for Christ’s use.

Redeeming the Past

Do you ever wish you could go back and fix something with the knowledge you have now? I bet something popped to mind didn’t it? Some decision (or lack thereof) that was made on your part that took you off into one direction that you ended up regretting, apologizing for, and paying the consequences on for far longer. Maybe you even have more than one…

Recently I had a realization that I had been working towards my own redemption in a way. That I was pursuing something far out of where God wanted me to be solely as a means of redeeming my past, as someone who was let go from their job. It really took a rattling moment of clarity to see that I had been pushing at something so very hard that I knew was not meant for me any more. I was attempting to prove I was in fact worthy, true, a hardworker, diligent in my responsibilities and of value.

For almost two years I have been trying to redeem my past in my career-one that I am finally accepting was not for the long-term but rather for a season of life. It was what God was using to further my growth and development and to use in His grand story, not my own. Over and over again though I kept feeling the pull of lies that I had something to prove, that I had value to earn and worth to contribute. I wanted to be the one to fix it, it was my reputation and name that had been marred. It was my heart that was hurt and wounded, that I needed to put back into place to mend.

I didn’t really say all those things, but my actions sure did lay it out before me and before God. I kept saying I had chosen to move on from that career path, and yet there I was once again interviewing, applying, seeking out redemption by my own definition and in my own power. Y’all you may not even realize you are in it too, but it happens. When we go about attempting to redeem ourselves, our stories, our pasts we tell God we don’t trust Him with any of our life. We don’t believe He’s capable of redemption even in our past, let alone our current state or our future.

If we are His children, then we are redeemed. All of it. Every last bit of us is redeemed, even that ugly part we hate to acknowledge or that moment we look back to with such regret and heartache, He has redeemed it. He has forgiven us when we bring it to Him, and He uses it mightily. Y’all, He wants us to stop striving to work out way into worth and value, to stop pursuing redemption on our own. He got this along time ago and we cannot stop forgetting that truth. We choose the lie that our value depends on us, instead of what He has told us about ourselves and about Him. We deceive ourselves that we are actually god and that we can redeem any bit of ourselves on our own.

He has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son He loves.  We have redemption, the forgiveness of sins, in Him. 

Colossians 1 reminds us that we already have redemption, and it’s not in ourselves but in Him. It always has been and it always will be. It’s not defined by our actions or striving, so why do we try? Why do we pursue these attempts instead of reveling in His awesome ability to redeem us and our pasts to be used for His work…which is so much better than my measly workings in my own vain attempts. He came after us in the darkness of our prideful striving to move us into fellowship with Him. We are of value, we have worth. We just forget that every bit of that is found in trusting Him.

It doesn’t come from us, and it never will. But in faith and trusting Him we find that redemption is given freely, always there and ever working for our good and His glory. So I can stop trying to make a name for myself because I already have one, His.

 

 

 

Regret of Indulgence

Today’s my half birthday. It’s not a thing, but it is a thing. Understand? When you have a summer birthday, and love winter, you tend to find an excuse to celebrate…especially at the end of January. January 24th rolls around and I try to do one little thing as a “you’ve made it halfway through another year puddin’.”

t-mcdonalds-sausage-biscuit-regular-size-biscuitFor days all I could think of was a hashbrown and sausage biscuit from McDonald’s. Refined pallet right? But y’all, it’s my comfort food….and I try to only do it once in a while. So this morning I told myself I could get it, and it was the most glorious of both….fresh and hot. Perfection in $2.19.

Then came the regret. Not that it was over, but that I’d indulged in that way. You know what I am talking about….the greasy aftertaste that fills your mouth, the lead in your stomach from the digestion beginning. Maybe it’s just me and not having had fast food in a while, but y’all, there was some regret.

It happens in all kinds of situations. We indulge as a reward for a job well done, a good season of life, some sort of accomplishment as a means of saying “Yeah I did!” and then follows regret because you gave in, or you realize that it wasn’t what you needed. We give in to our whim of a new job in a new place because we’ve lived through the hardness of a current situation. But we get on down the road and realize we’ve just run from addressing the bigger issue the indulgence masked, or we continue to feed the indulgence instead of the issue at hand.

Yes, it’s good to reward and honor accomplishments, I am not saying we shouldn’t. But when we have that pang of regret it’s best to dig into it rather than continue to brush it aside and continue on. Regret reveals a deeper nudge, a yellow warning light that cautions us to check on the maintenance of the situation or the feeling instead of feeding it’s urge.

Maybe then you won’t be left with a sick feeling in your stomach and the greasy remnants of your indulgence…

Points of Change

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Do you ever find yourself at a different point in life than a friend or family member, even though you have had similar experiences or upbringings, both been exposed to the exact same things? Does it make you wonder how that happened or even a bit jealous of their current situation?

About a month ago I caught sight of the trees above on my way into work. I pass by them daily on my commute in, but often it’s dark out so to see them with the sun coming up I was caught a bit off guard. Do you see it?

They are each in their own state of changing. Various degrees of change all on display there together.

It struck me that we are often in various degrees of changing, even if we are being hit with the same elements, rooted in the same Scripture, and completely in the light. We may all be the same, but we are all vastly different. This right here was proof to me that no matter how level it all seems to us, each of us grows and changes at various rates…some still producing and blooming while others are going through seasons of dying off.

I think we want to rush seasons of change because they are difficult or we feel that we are the only ones going through them…so we push and prod, wrestling all the way so that we can just get it over with since no one else is dealing with it. But I think that we are all at various levels of change, whether we like it or not, whether we want to be or not.

Change can be slow and gradual, and we can watch as others navigate it ahead of us, learning and gleaning from them while also realizing how we are to do it in our selves being led by God. Change can be sudden and ahead of those around you, ones you were tracking with. So you forge out ahead into the uncharted waters, knowing He’s with you in it. He’s leading it if you let Him and you are on the path which He knows leads right where He wants you.

So we are each at our own point of change, and as we start this new year, it’s good to recognize it that we aren’t needing to keep up with the others even in our same sphere because we have our own pace…whether we are in a season of falling away of current self or producing more than ever of the fruit we bear. Or we’re somewhere in between. Know that change is inevitable, but we get to recognize it in our own lives and then lay it before Him to lead us through.

 

Commentary of a Review

In my year of reviewing books for B&H, I have found that I stretch myself in what I am reading more and more. That I won’t just settle for a book by an author I really like, but take a chance on an autobiography, a Bible study, and now a commentary.

Commentaries make me apprehensive, as I worry that they are meant for theology students and pastors to glean and learn on a specific topic or book of the Bible. With the Christ-Centered Exposition from Daniel L. Akin and Jonathan Akin, that’s not the case. I was able to read through a harder book of the Bible, “Ecclesiastes” and walk through both an in-depth commentary broken down by chapter and topic, but I was also able to enjoy application questions following each group.

Ecclesiastes isn’t a book I would pick right off the bat to study in-depth. But I have to say the way both authors laid it out, specifically by chapter and even breaking it down further within chapters made me want to dig in more, to use in my devotion time and then outside of that. I was able to step into Solomon’s words, hear him and see the context of what he was writing.

The authors provided great examples, further observations and readings as well as the ability to glean further within yourself rather than be reliant upon what they had to say on the matter. The application questions and discussion at the end of each section are great personal devotion questions, as well as small group study topics to delve further.

The theme of Exalting Jesus that this commentary series is focusing in on provides the viewpoint in which to study books of the Bible which one might not necessarily get when reading them, especially the Old Testament books. We often relegate Christ to the New Testament, but as the authors show us here, Christ is written across all of His Word.

I would highly recommend this commentary series to anyone seeking to dig deeper into a book of the Bible but feel daunted by commentaries or feel they are only for theology students or pastors. This series does an excellent job of providing breadth and understanding to God’s Word in a way that also has His handprint upon it. It’s great for personal study, sermon preparation or small group study.


In return for this review, I received a copy of the book for free from the publisher as part of a review team.