Sometimes you stare at a blank screen without so much as a syllable coming through your mind. The screen mirrors your mind. Blank. Empty. Without words.
It’s not as if you don’t have anything on your mind-the to-do list for your day or your week, future aspirations, current news, relationships with others, relationship with God. But we’ve maneuvered and compartmentalized so much of ourselves that we draw up to life with a big blank. No space really for any more boxes of things for our mind to dwell on, but plenty of white space filling in everywhere.
In that white space is where this year has been lived for me, alot of seeming noise but not quite distinct, just fuzzy. Not much intentionality or planning, just shoving boxes of life around to get through a day or a week. I realized in not making me choices or truly focused decisions, I’d made the choice for my life to just exist this year. To not really engage much mentally or use the excuse of one activity to define my whole existence.
Disappointments will come and go, but discouragement is a choice you make.
I was reminded over the weekend of this quote from Charles Stanley years ago. And it made sense that much of the white noise was discouragement over the boxes I’d put my life into only to revisit for nostalgia and wallowing in discouragement. I would look at the actions or assumptions I had put on others around me deemed it discouraging and just existed in it.
Over and over again.
I chose discouragement at every turn.
For 10 months, discouragement has crept onto the blank screen and the white space of my life. It was a record of habit, choosing it over fuel for pursuit, building a habit of packing it up instead of getting back up.
So what happens when you meet your repeated discouragement over disappointments? You have that choice to walk back into that room or begin to pick yourself up and go back to the disappointment and find ways of pushing through them or correcting where you were responsible. We have lost our sense of accountability and responsibility in many ways currently, but most of all we’ve lost our sense of responsibility to ourselves. To pursuing resilience and fight rather than discouragement and packing it all up. We flight alot more than we fight these days when faced with discouragement, when the disappointments get to be too much.
It’s how we respond that is on us. We can choose intentional pursuit of what we are given, facing disappointments and failures and going back the next day. Or we can pack that up in a box, shove it over in the corner, and then wondering why we can’t build a good habit of success for our lives.