Habits Not Exclusive

It currently smells of both gingerbread and balsamic-Dijon mixture in my home. It’s our first really cold day of December and it felt perfect to have a pot roast and some gingerbread to anticipate the season.

For a while I had joked about being wife-material with baking and cooking since I am single. However the more I have thought on it, I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. I don’t have to cook well and be a wife, I don’t have to be a poor baker and single.

Simply stated, this is something that I enjoy and not a means to snagging a spouse. I just enjoy cooking and baking. I prefer a homemade cake to a store bought one (unless we are talking about Cheesecake Factory). Putting heart and care into preparing a meal for myself, or for others, is something I just plain enjoy doing most of the time. (There are nights when a frozen dinner or chips and salsa are all that’s happening)

But I think we often want to talk about preparing for marriage in ways that aren’t spiritually or emotionally sound. Learning to cook should be for one’s own gain and not for the allurement of another. Our habits are not exclusive to our marital status. In fact they should be grown and groomed apart from that as we are unique humans who have the interests and abilities gifted to us for our own enjoyment. We shouldn’t want to better ourselves for someone else, but out of our own desire for that.

I couldn’t help but think of this as I have watched this season of This is Us and the dynamic played out by the twins Kevin and Kate. They both are in to being that person for other people in alot of ways. I was really impressed with Kate when she finally told Toby that she couldn’t make it work with him because she needed to do her weight loss for herself.

Bravo writers! Our own self and our hearts should be what motivates us to lose weight, to take care of ourselves, to delve into a new craft or hobby, to learn a new skill. You cannot live off of someone else’s approval or attention. The economy of trade on that does not sustain a person for long before causing suffering or hurt.

So learn to cook, or don’t. Go to that class you’ve wanted to take at the gym, or don’t. Learn to paint, or don’t. Watch football, or don’t. But let it be for you and who you want to be, not the expectation of someone else.

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