Trust is a hard thing to define. Yes, we have what Webster’s defines it as: a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. But it’s not tangible, it’s not firm in our hands. Often times we misplace it.
Or maybe that’s just me.
That I will put trust in someone and find it’s not founded. Or that the trust is abused.
Then I realize most of all I am not always trusting God, trusting Christ with my concerns and trusting the Holy Spirit to lead me. Oh I say I trust in Him fully, I look to verses like Proverbs 3:5,6 which are great screen art and wall hangings….
But am I truly believing them and living it out? Am I trusting in Him with all my heart and not relying on my own understanding? Y’all, I have to admit I try too much to rely on my own understanding. I don’t acknowledge Him in all my ways, instead I go my own way and ask Him to bless that instead.
It makes a mess of things, a heart that thinks it knows best and a mind set on doing it’s very best in a situation. When I look back over the 18 years of my life as a Christian, I can see that placing trust in Him has been good, it’s been reliable. Yet I still want to think I know better for myself instead of the God who orchestrated the Creation of the world. The Savior Who brought my redemption into reality. The Spirit which resides within me daily walking with me in every single moment.
Frankly I am telling Him that I trust myself more. That’s a hard one to admit, even harder to realize that’s exactly what I have been saying for a while. That my own obstinate mind is far superior in the understanding of life than His. Oof. While I wish I didn’t do that, often times I do. Maybe you do too. (Or maybe you are better at this trust of Him than I am) So I try my own way, in my own understanding in a given situation. I step out of follower position and attempt to lead out. Leading from a place of misunderstanding, pride, limited view and disobedient will to show that I trust in me.
Oh I tell Him I trust in Him, I will tell others and listen as they tell me to “just trust God” in it. But I trust Him on up to this point and no further. It all stems from an ego of fallen nature. My family line of trust that points all the way back to Eve, and I just can’t quite shake it. I inwardly laugh at promises He gives because I simply don’t trust in the God Who has been faithful in every single thing He has said.
So I have to step away from lip service of trust and live in it. Live in the trust I so desperately want to call my own and place within me, and lay it down before Him. I have to give my trust over to Him and understand that He is worthy of all my trust. He is reliable. He is my strength. He is Truth. He is able. I have to keep giving it over to Him when I want to place it back in me, believing I know better or can do it all on my own.
It’s not about just saying “I will trust in You, Lord” but about living it out breath by breath, prayer by prayer, step by step and day by day.