When we think about terms that define us, I have a hard time not pointing to my job title. For the last 15 years or so, I think it’s been ingrained in my mind that what you do, your job, profession, career, they define you. What that title says is who you are. It blankets your life and encompasses all that you are.
Without it, you’re not of value or worth. You don’t matter.
That’s a glimpse at the lie I have been wrestling with these days.
That’s the idol I have been worshiping at for some years. Because it was a dream of my own making. A way and means for me to show that “I did this” and “I provide” without letting God in to much of it.
Oh there have been times and seasons where God has been so at work in me through my job that all I could do was point to Him and say “thank you.” But for the majority? I was finding provision and sufficiency coming from my own hands. I see the pride, the ego, the self muddled all through this.
I watched and built with my own hands such a faulty idol of career. A career that was for the last four years making me absolutely miserable. It was deteriorating my health, my mental capacity and my rest. And yet I worshiped it, clung to it so tightly that even as it betrayed me I tried to glue it back together.
It has taken a complete career change, life change for me to see what God had been giving me glimpses of for years. I was being consumed by the idol I had built, allowing it to define me and shape me, rather than allowing God to use me in it for Him. It brought me some unique experiences and knowledge gathering, but I chose to see it as my definer. Of who I was and the value I had. When that gets pulled out from underneath you, you are able to see the idol you’ve constructed by your own hand and not the “ministry” you said you were called to do.
I am coming to this place of seeing that my job title (or even lack thereof) has no definition to who I am. I am defined fully and completely by God. When I stand aside and fully face that He is my portion and sufficiency (Psalm 119:57) then I am able to stop building idols and worship the God who goes before, who created me for good works, and who calls me His beloved.
It’s seeing that the only one who said my worth is in my job title is me. I convinced myself that I am defined by that and I am the one who is in control of providing in that capacity. When we confront the lie of worth placed anywhere by in God’s truth, we begin to chip away at the idol which has consumed us, consumed me. An idol that does not want to die or being knocked down, but bears a significant weight in addressing and pulling pieces away that have been built over time and seasons.
Understanding that He is my portion provides me with so much more than I could ever imagine of supplying in my own weakness. The title of Child of the King far outweighs any job title I can obtain.