This weekend is Valentine’s Day. For many singles I know this is a hard time, a reminder of the singleness and loneliness that are often coupled together. As I type this, I too am single this go-round of February 14th. While I shared a little over on Single Roots this week about approaching the Hallmark holiday, I thought I’d deep dive into my thoughts a bit more here.
Here’s the thing y’all, as I don’t want to sugar coat this. It has taken many years of singleness on this blasted holiday to realize something, just because my marital status says single it most assuredly does not mean I am alone.
I know many who bemoan this holiday and have had some ask me about how to navigate it better, or even addressing their singleness at all in such a way that it’s not all they dwell upon. I can’t say I haven’t been there, or that I won’t be there again, because it has taken 34 years of life for me to get to this wisdom of singleness isn’t the banner determining my life, nor my happiness. Some days it utterly just bites that I am single-like today, when I am sick and would love some cough syrup, or on gorgeous days when I want to take someone hiking with me. I found out that when I let that sink in and latch ahold of my heart though I get focused in on the “lack thereof” in my life rather than the overflowing abundance of it.
Singleness isn’t a definition of my life, or some box to place me in. It shouldn’t be yours either. Because it is not a synonym for alone. Yes I am single, no I am not alone. My life is filled, and more than I deserve, with family, friends and people whom I haven’t met yet that just pour so much into me. They are my story, just as God designed my life to be as it is at this moment, He is working through them to fill my life with so much good that I am never alone.
There are times when loneliness likes to lie to me and tell me that I am alone based simply upon a situation or lack of significant other. But let me tell you, all my others are significant in my life-from the Sara(h)s I share weekly prayer and wisdom texts with, to the sweet friend who sent me a card and gift this week, to my parents who still send me Valentine’s, to the coworkers who make me laugh uncontrollably at the most ridiculous situations, and the friends I get to g-chat with weekly.
For a time I dwelt in the loneliness based upon geography and lack of person in my life, but I found that I was choosing to see the people in my life as than significant, less than loved in my life. I was telling myself (and ultimately them as well) that they just weren’t enough for me, and even so far as telling God He wasn’t working good out for me by not giving me a boyfriend/spouse.
Ugh, it’s hard to admit that but it’s true. If I can’t be truthful about my own struggles in it, why should I tell you all how to handle it?
So I felt it was timely that Shauna Niequist (hey girlcrush) would share this thought today: “You are significant with or without a significant other.” So true, and something I think we all need to hear and pull into close today and this weekend. We are significant, no matter our marital status. We are significant to one another and to God Himself. Just as you are significant, so are others in your orbit. Acknowledge that goodness He has brought you this weekend (and even beyond y’all).
If you hear it no where else, you matter to me. You took time to read and be a part of this community I am trying to grow out of obedience. Thank you. You matter. You are significant. You are loved.