“You are so much cooler than the crappy relationship your heart wants to be in.”
That sage wisdom comes from a text I got from a very dear friend recently. I had confided in her a very difficult prayer request I had. It was one I had kept a tight grip on, for fear of actually having to deal with the heart issue openly.
So often single women choose to compromise their own dignity and worth for the idea of a relationship. Many times they do it for a relationship itself, and there are some great resources if you are in such a relationship that denigrates your self-worth and strips you of your dignity. Here my thoughts rest on and dive into specifically just the idea of a relationship. Where we as women will make ourselves less than to entice the thought a relationship with a man.
Any relationship, real or contemplated, should lift both individuals up and celebrate who they are, not cut down or make one feel less than. In the pursuit of a relationship I believe there’s been a turn for women to lose parts of themselves in order to be considered by the man. She has to be less independent, appear to not be as educated, choosing to be less than rather than equal to in even the consideration as an interested party.
I believe we try because at a certain point we women find ourselves single and questioned by everyone for it. From family to friends to coworkers, no one can quite figure us out and start encouraging means to which they have no experience or business pushing us to justify in pursuit of a marriage relationship. Over and over I see women choosing less-than options simply because their heart is leading them much more than their head, their prayers, their God. I even found myself doing that…pursuing the image of an idea rather than staying firm in the path set before me.
Maybe today you needed to hear that you are more than the idea of a relationship. You are more than what you have been telling yourself as a woman. You are more than any crappy relationship you are desiring after because right now, you are you. Don’t be someone else, don’t be less than your full self. If they don’t choose that, that’s fine.
and yes it still sucks, but don’t make that about you. Yes it hurts for a bit, but let that hurt heal…don’t linger in it, don’t pine after what isn’t. Celebrate what is. That is you. All of you. Every ounce, every tear, every anxiety and every glimmer of hope. Be the full you that you are meant to be. If your friends want the absolute best for you, why shouldn’t you? Be the amazing you and don’t let that crappy relationship be even a distant memory for you to dwell on.
And while we’re at it, let your friends speak some real truth over you when platitudes just won’t suffice. Allow them to stretch you and grow you…give them prayer requests that are burdensome and that leave you raw. Shine that light into the dark spaces and let them breath out His words to your heart.
Don’t abandon your friend or your father’s friend, and don’t go to your brother’s house in your time of calamity; better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
Proverbs 27:10 (HCSB)