Do you ever wonder if God is testing your “yes” to something? Do you question that by saying “yes” in blind trust of His calling you out of the boat He will call you somewhere you don’t want to go?
I jumped into a new study of Proverbs this week to find that I am seeing some of my favorite passages in a completely different way on my life. As I was looking over Proverbs 3:5-6 (which has long been a very favorite of mine to pray) Peter came to mind. More specifically Peter and the sea, the story you may have heard or read about in Matthew’s gospel account (You can read the entire passage here).
I put those two passages side by side and then hold them up to my life. I want the confidence of trusting Him with all of my heart, giving Him my yes. However the moment the seas get rough and fear sets in I find that leaning on my own understanding is what will pull me through-not acknowledging Him and His presence there before me.
Peter had just come from the mount where they fed five thousand men (only men were counted in the account, likening the number to upwards of 20K+ present). A miracle of grand proportions orchestrated through Christ. Right in front of him and yet when those storms kicked up as he stepped foot out of the boat, he wavered. His conscious dependence upon Christ in that moment faltered because of circumstance, because of environment. Fear shouted loud and grabbed at his feet…feet that moments before had the confidence as they looked ahead with Christ calling them to “come” to Him.
I don’t know about you, but I am willing to admit I am often Peter…gung-ho in my yes for Him in the moment. The elation and excitement have me amped in His truth but then the environment shifts slightly and fear starts whispering doubt and confusion. It is not in our comfort that we find the call of fear but in the moments of obedience. When we start to wain in our trust in Him and lean on our own is when trouble abounds, fear wins and ultimately we get swallowed up…shouting much like Peter did for the Lord to save him in his own unbelief of Him.
We use Him more as a safety net in those instances, in those moments of doubt in life, rather than fully trusting Him from the moment He says “Come” until we are embraced by Him. We choose to look at where our feet are going, the distractions of life all around us, and find that our footing isn’t as steadfast as we believed…because we do believe more in ourselves when fear trips us up than in Him. The very one who has done a good thing, fulfilled a promise He made to us just the day or moment before. But how easily we forget…we chalk it up to something else or simply choose to think it was our own doing.
But when I acknowledge Him in every bit of my ways, ways that I wouldn’t have orchestrated or imagined…and frankly ways that scare me, I find He is faithful and good at directing me on the path He has me on. He doesn’t have to catch me, as He has done and will continue to do, but He is with me empowering me to walk with Him in this. So that my yes is firm, true and good. It is worshipful to say yes, it is affirming and believing. It is trusting in Him with all of my heart and not wavering in that yes, despite the ocean, the wind, the fear or the doubt.
It’s easier said (or written) than it is done, but I am seeing that my yes carries weight when it’s given to Him and rested there. It’s not snatched back and mangled by my own preoccupations or fears but simply given firmly and followed without question. After all Peter did get out and start the journey, what’s keeping me from charting the course on towards Christ in my own life?