“How honest can I be in this conversation?”
A friend and I were recently having a conversation and that was the question posed to me.
That right there is why we are friends, and why I trust her with the questions I war with. I value her friendship, especially in these moments. Moments when I need raw truth I can count on her to provide it.
This time it was needed. I had found myself pondering a question, the same one I had four years earlier. One that I had promised myself I wouldn’t ask again. You see we revisit what we haven’t fully addressed in our lives.
I believe this with my full heart. That when we allow a relationship or situation to go unaddressed, we will come back around to it. It’s a cycle. And this particular day I found myself right back in that cycle. Questioning my own judgement of a situation and the actions of another. Wondering why I yet again allowed myself to get sucked in.
The conversation with the friend didn’t last long because she gave it to me straight. It was a truth I knew deep down but I needed someone to speak that truth into my life in such a pointed way. Otherwise I’d circle right back around on this cycle.
So I decided to be truthful with myself once and for all. What does that look like in this instance? A heart struggle. Honesty. Rooting out doubts. Facing fears. It means I stop lying to myself, the hardest thing for any of us to do. It means I stand up for myself, my heart. It means facing myself and no longer listening to the lies that suck me back into the cycle. It also means rooting out a friendship that has been long standing, but damaging. It means a clean break off without excuses or apologies. It means radio-silence with someone that I have long since called upon as a friend.
Simply because another friend spoke truth that I couldn’t hear any other way. That is true friendship. Friendship that will look at you and tell you the hard stuff, when you don’t want to hear it but you know it in your heart. This friend is the one to keep. The one who checks the mask long ago and speaks real life, and welcomes the same without anger or resentment.
Thankful that there are friendship like that which exist, and I have not one but a couple that I can trust to do just that in my life. Now to speak that same truth into the lives of others in such a way that I would honor them in return.