I am worn out.
For the last few weeks that seems to be my song every morning and every evening. Emotionally, physically and even spiritually just spent. When I looked around this weekend I realized it was striving for naught. It was alot of moaning and groaning with not much there.
I spent a good part of Sunday afternoon rooting out English ivy. For those of you who I am not friends with on Facebook, my new home has a bit of an ivy issue. I keep finding it rooted in places. I had tackled the front porch to some degree and gotten it to a manageable state. But I had discovered it was also in the back off the patio as well. I have taken to cursing the former homeowner in planting this monstrosity.
It. Is. Everywhere.
I learned something though. You see that ivy taught me a valuable lesson about myself, and the tired state of being I have carried around for the last month or so. While it may look pretty and put together, it comes to no avail. It winds through things and causes much struggle and hassle later. That’s where alot of my striving has gotten me as well…it looks good on the outside but truly it’s just choking out the good within. It’s crafting kings of my own making instead of laying it before the One True King.
I have worn myself out at the foot of the Mount, rallying the troops to mold an idol that looks alot like myself, my concerns and my work. It looks nothing like the God Who reveals Himself in my life, Who reminds me that this is but a vapor and that I am to humble myself before Him with these things. He looks at how I spend my time, in worry, in fret and in fashioning empty kingdoms.
When I realize it, I have to root it out. I have to stop and put it down. I see how God’s anger burns towards creating anything apart from Him. It’s unholy. It steals from Him. It elevates me into a position I have no right to be in. Ever. It takes my attention from what He has called me to be, to do, and to love. Instead of striving for a title, for accolades or for favor, I must remain faithful to the work He has called me to do and the daughter I am in His kingdom. Nothing more. Nothing less.
May the ivy remind me that it’s never truly rooted out either. That it is a battle that wages daily, that I must take great care to not allow to choke out the good and true in life, blocking the view of the King in which I did not create but that created me.