Change Not Accepted Here

“I cannot change, and I refuse to change you.”

Difficult words to say, but truth all the same. I wish I had the strength to same them at various points in the relationships I have found myself in over the years. Throughout my dating history, at various points, I thought “I can tough this part out cause he’ll change.” In all honesty with you here, you cannot change someone…they have to want to adapt or grow by their own volition.

Oh I have heard the rationalizations of friends, of family…even my own voice. This time it is different, he loves me, I we are the exception. Having lived through various relationships over the years one truth remains…

You will ultimately change and adapt to the other person…not the other way around. You’ll begin making excuses for the behavior or learn to live with the truth that he isn’t interested in faith or that he may on occasion drink too much. You will look around and find after months, or even years, that it wasn’t him who changed but you. You’ll find the convictions you once held close, slipped through your hands simply so you could have a relationship.

Don’t misunderstand me at this point…there will be times of compromise and giving up seeing that movie in lieu of this movie. Relationships involve navigating negotiation and compromise.

The point I am after here is that at the core, our beliefs, values and principles, should not be compromised on in order to stay in a relationship. We, as women, value security over convictions. So much so that months or years down the road we look at ourselves and are unsure of who the person looking back at us is. The relationship should be complementary, not full of compromise.

It took 32 years of life for me to realize this point of change. That I refuse to change who I am at the core in order to be in a relationship with a specific person. I cannot change my convictions and beliefs for a man’s comfort or companionship. Any man that asks you to forego your faith, who questions your beliefs on a Biblical stance, should be reevaluated for his worth in having your time, your affection, and your heart.

Ultimately you have to decide if you can afford to change drastically for this relationship that doesn’t have the promise of tomorrow, or remain steadfast in a faith that has the eternal promises filled with hope. Give me faith, eternity and hope any day.

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