He wasn’t the right one for you.
There is someone just for you, and it wasn’t him.
He’s out there, your soulmate.
All of these platitudes were given to me over the last few months post breaking up with Neal. While they came from a place of caring and love, can I just say from a single woman, that I am tired of hearing this?
This will come off as “broken-hearted, hardened woman talk” but trust me it could not come from a further place in me. There’s no broken heart. There’s certainly no hardness. There is a desire to be open with so many of you, and to shed a little light into some single woman conversations.
My life doesn’t revolve around finding someone. It just doesn’t. Are there days when I would prefer to be in a relationship? Most definitely. Do I sit every moment pining for someone? Absolutely not. Am I too independent for my own relational good? Frankly, no.
The truth of the matter is that I am not 20 years old anymore (SHOCKING! What?!?!?) and I have had my priorities reshaped into what reflects God’s plan for my life. It’s exciting to think God will place someone in my life at a specific part of this journey, to expand that story and forge a greater path with them. It’s also exciting to think that this journey is for me to walk with God, and not someone else.
For me, in this living breathing moment of now, I cannot begin to fathom the unfolding story that God has for me. He has only given me a glimpse at the top of the page, in an expanding novel. And it is so very good.
Does the fact I am presently living out this extraordinarily abundant life solo bother me? Not in the least, because I know without a shadow of doubt or fear that this is where I am meant to be, just as I am. Does it mean I am hardened and shut off from the opportunities of a relationship at this point? No because I am living with open hands, receptive and full of gratitude for all that God brings.
For me, it’s about the perspective I have on the now. On the gift of these moments in relationship with God, and seeing where He is leading this crazy, random, and often awkward life of mine. Sometimes I just don’t have the time to dwell on the idea of a soulmate, or this mysterious man He has for me. If he is out there, I pray he can keep up and be ready for some blessings from God in a relationship with me.
“Contemplative simplicity isn’t a matter of circumstances, it’s a matter of focus.”
Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Things