Monday was a Monday for all intents and purposes. I had a bit of a rough day and then committed my big cardinal sin. I shared a vague Facebook status update about it. Normally I don’t do that. I don’t like when others throw these vague updates that are either passive aggressive or looking for empty platitudes.
But I had a moment. I caved and shared that I had cried in the office.
That’s when I gave myself a hard time…for not dealing with the situation better, not holding my emotions together over a frustration better, and ultimately not keeping it off of social media like I usually do. While I often delve into personal areas here on the blog, I try to keep it just above my nerve endings or talk about it once I am well past the moment.
However sometimes we do need to process immediately. We do need to share that life isn’t all roses and splendor. We need to remove the sheen we have so adeptly placed on our lives for others and go, “Yeah, I had a hard day today and could use some comfort.” While I don’t condone those who only complain or throw their “woe is me” attitude all over Facebook-you know who you are-I would say it helps to share in the safety of community at times.
For me, my community at that moment was friends on Facebook. In wasn’t in a group of strangers or my professionals group…and it also wasn’t too over the top to warrant a deep discussion in the comments. It happens, and we move on. We realize we are human, as are others that we interact with daily, and we find that sometimes our emotions need to spill over because our heart just cannot hold them in any longer.
For a very long time I felt sharing emotions was a sign of weakness, of instability, of a need for attention. Slowly I am realizing that when emotion flows over it is because I am human, and there are things I struggle with, and how best to rectify that tension within myself and within a situation.
I understand too that God is with us in those moments. He is with me, right there in that moment. He provides that safe shelter-a safe haven-while the storm rages, while the emotions overflow, while my heart gets frustrated with the tension that has no logic or reason to it at that moment. I take for granted He knows my heart, He knows the situation and that He knows my thoughts. Instead of me coming to Him, I just throw it off as “Well He’s the Creator of the universe, He knows the number of hairs on my head…I don’t have to tell Him this.” So instead I run and tell others, or I let it stay pent up until it explodes from my tear ducts.
Yesterday made me realize that I too quickly pick others over God to listen when I am hurting. While that is not a bad thing, it’s not necessarily good either. Yes, He knows my heart but don’t you like it when a close friend shares their heart even when you know it already? That’s what God is desiring of me more and more, if I would stop airing my grievances to others first and run to Him.
Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentiveto my cry for mercy.
Psalm 130:1, 2