Though Darkness Fills the Night…

I have been asked often why I blog, why I choose to share some pretty raw, personal glimpses into my life and my journey. Throughout the four years I have been writing on this blog (or the 1.0 version of it back on another host) it’s been about sharing. Not a narcissistic need to share my life, but to be open about life so that others wouldn’t feel alone or as if they were the only one who had ever experienced something in life. Sometimes its funny on here, sometimes I geek out about something, but often my goal is to simply share my heart with those of you throughout the world. Sometimes it is rather ugly and messy, and other times it is quiet and just a reflection of where God has me dwelling presently.

For the last few months my life has been in a bit of a roller coaster themed ride. Some of you may have noticed that here on the blog as I have attempted to both conceal and share what I felt was pertinent at the time and I always want to be as transparent as I can on here. Unfortunately in that transparency and honesty, there has been an abuse of those vulnerabilities and attacks on my life. To be rather blunt, it’s been ugly…and not the kind we like to share. The kind that we fear and so we keep hidden, because we think surely there aren’t individuals such as this in the world. Surely there has to be a logical reasoning behind it and I will work to find that in order to process this on my own.

What I have found in the last four months of this continual barrage of attacks is that there is no logic. There is not a set way to look at someone and say “Ooooh, that’s what it is, that’s where I erred.” Because it’s not about me. It’s not. It is about the person who is doing the attacking. (While there may be instances of wrongdoing that warrant a response, this is not one of those.)

The ownership lies in their words, their actions, and what they knowingly choose each day and each moment to do, to write and to send. Dr. Henry Cloud’s book, Boundaries, has been a God-send through this journey (I highly recommend it to everyone), and he makes a spot on statement in regards to this.

I have no control over another person and I must focus on changing my reactions to that person. I must refuse to allow that person to affect me.

And that is exactly what I have done over the last few weeks. The person may continue what they feel is appropriate and right, but that does not mean I give it space or time, and most importantly, my attention. While they may take this post (and subsequent ones) to be about them, it’s about the community of sharing for us bloggers. It’s about bringing darkness to the light in order to breathe truth into all things. Hopefully that also breathes truth into the life of the individuals. It’s about speaking and showing truth.

It is not about my will to overcome this, because if I could do it on my own, I wouldn’t need a Savior. None of us would. It’s about allowing His truth and His timing into our lives, and resting in that knowledge that God’s bigger than any attack or abuse.

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