The other day my friend posted on Facebook that during her normal nannying duties she had encountered a woman who said something rather shocking to her, in her singleness. It was incredibly invasive and ticked me off when I saw it. I jokingly commented to my friend that I would have asked the woman an equally snide and invading question about her personal life in response. (Sometimes I don’t take my own advice and pop off at the mouth, I am working on it y’all)
What my friend shared had me thinking about single lives (even when you’re dating someone) and how others (often married or divorced) feel it is their duty to tell you how to live your life. While I do understand and receive advice on specific situations from friends who are in relationships or married, I do find it unsettling when others offer up “sage wisdom” unwarranted and unasked.
When did it become okay to tell someone, possibly just an acquaintance, that they should really work on their fashion as that would help find someone? Or telling someone to harvest eggs just in case? Or my favorite on when you are dating someone is when people so lovingly tell you the way to keep your man.
We are society that has decided to butt into singles’ lives so that we can feel comfortable with our own relationships…with our own decisions. By telling someone they should think about ways to beef up their fashion sense, you are cutting their self-esteem and assuming they aren’t trying. Maybe, just maybe, they are comfortable enough with their singleness that dressing in a certain way doesn’t matter to them.
Do I walk up to you in Wal-Mart and tell you to wrangle your kids? Or offer ways for you to discipline them better? Do I chat over lunch that maybe your wife needs to cover up in order to not attract the wrong attention? No, I respect your boundaries and your life.
To all the marrieds, the long-term relationshippers, the divorcees, and broken-hearted people (there’s some of y’all out there too who willingly rain down on us fellow singlers), we ask you to stop. Stop butting in. Stop offering up unwanted and unsolicited “advice” to us. Respect the boundaries of our lives as singles. Let us share with you the good and the bad on our timeframe and ask for advice when we need it.