For a chunk of time I didn’t date, I simply just found no one that interested me. There was a small part of me that thought I might even be the non-Catholic equivalent to a nun…and no I am not meaning a spinster. Or a cat lady. (That’s just rude to call any single female that, FYI)
But then this guy came waltzing into my life very unexpectedly and challenged me in every facet of my life. We became closer than I should have allowed looking back because there was a pattern for him in engaging in female relationships. He had been up front about that, but in a “I’m not sure why they act this way” manner. Things happened and feelings grew. Ultimately it turned out badly, as anyone who was on the outside of this situation could have said would happen.
Over and over again I commented that I had forgiven him and let the situation have its fair share of my time and thoughts after the fact. Fast forward years later to a situation occurring that caused that part of my past to come rearing back from where I thought I had put it, buried in a grave. Funny thing about burying something that’s alive, it often resurrects itself in your present. I kept seeing flashes of hurt and pain that I hadn’t let go of, hadn’t dealt with. I wanted to put the wall up, dig the grave, and put it to rest again.
Something was different this time though. I wanted to face it, I wanted to talk through the situation and give forgiveness and healing. I wanted the both of us to move forward….together. But I had to face my past and how it had defined my present, continuously for years. I needed to give both him and myself forgiveness in how we both acted and masked a lot of our feelings for the sake of posture.
And that’s when I likened mine to a zombie (cause obviously I would make that reference), needing to be faced head on or it’ll keep turning up around the next corner.
This morning as I read through a new devotion on having a confident heart, this verse struck out at me in perfect application to what has been occurring and the conversations I have been having:
“Do not remember the past events, pay no attention to things of old. Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.”-Isaiah 43:18-19
Today God may be wanting to use your past to heal, to restore you. He wants you to deal with your past, but not dwell in it. First you have to face it like a zombie, head on and with courage that Someone’s right there with you.