Yesterday I quit my blog. I posted here that I was done and walking away. I was in a very fragile, weak state. I have to admit that. My honesty has to come forward and own the fact I gave up. I made this about me. I closed a door for God to use me in writing.
I chose the easy way out, I truly believe. This morning, I woke up emotionally and mentally exhausted. Cautiously I state that, because it’s not one person, one situation that is causing the exhaustion. It’s a season I am currently in with my life. I have seen someone I truly want to be a mentor go through a season of exhaustion. I have watched as it was navigated, with alot more poise than I have exhibited the last two weeks. I aspire in many ways to echo that same poise professionally and personally. I do not think this individual knows that.
In my exhaustion this morning I grabbed my devotion out of responsibility and not out of desire. I thought, “I just want to check this off for the day, so I don’t feel guilt throughout the day.” Anyone else have those days? God nudged me, so hard this morning that I was left speechless. Beth Moore was talking about her inadequacies, of being mentally spent, and she showed in Scripture where Paul was too. Where he felt completely inadequate and insufficient in the work he was called to do by God.
I know I wrote something similar a couple of weeks ago, but today I had to fess up that yesterday I gave up. I threw my hands up and walked away. I let the lie that I was insufficient and inadequate for God’s call scream so loudly that I quit on God. I quit on myself. But I have to say, ultimately I did need to quit. I was the one trying and failing. Writing and writing without any inspiration and leaving it unposted, feeling like a failure to the only person who set the expectation…me.
I don’t know what you’re on the verge of quitting today. I don’t know if God needed to only speak to me today on this. But I want to share it with you all. Only God knows who needed it today. I am sharing the verses He laid out in prayer for me. I pray they envelop my heart today…may I be filled with Him and not myself. It’s hard to live that out. It’s not comfortable to feel yourself grow weak. But I am weak, it’s His strength that sustains me.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10