I Just Can’t.

As someone who is finding their writing voice, I want to write about Sandy Hook. I desire to process, grieve, and extend hope to those hurting. But today, as children head off to school, I can’t. I can’t find words to express my gratitude to those who stood in the gap for those children. I can’t give comfort to families who are hurting and grieving. I can’t even explain to my nephew why it happened.

I just can’t.

I want to rise up and scream at the people who are calling for stricter gun laws. I want to tell them I was raised in home where guns were prevalent and taught to respect the damage a gun can do. I want to tell them that my sister was mugged, not with a gun but with a knife. I want to tell them that gun laws aren’t for the mentally ill or evil, they are for the ones who follow the laws.

I just can’t.

As a Christ follower, I want to extend hope and love to those hurting in Connecticut. I want to run to them, extend arms and say “God only knows the purpose in this.” I want to tell them God is loving on their kids even now, holding them close and cherishing them. I want to tell them it will get better.

I just can’t.

I want to express my own fears, fears we all seem to be hiding as of late. As someone who works at a university, I want to know we are secure-that my own kids are safe when they come to campus. I want to put up a wall, a gate, and barbed wire to shield students from the confusing world that we live in.

I just can’t.

I want to bring awareness to mental illness, as it’s real and it’s prevalent among us. I want to cover those in prayer who deal with this daily. I want to lift up the families who grieve and cry out in pain at the loss of their beloved child from this illness. I want to pray for those who lost a child or family member on Friday, last week at the mall, in Colorado this summer, and many others who sit in the unexplained realm of not understanding the why.

I can do that.


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