I love the show Friends. I can quote almost entire episodes at this point. It’s quite ridiculous. One in particular I was thinking about the other day as I was battling a cold. You see Phoebe gets sick, and oddly enough, sounds really great singing. From one minor instance, her life changes as her voice does and she gets noticed from what was essentially a bad thing.
The reason this struck me the other day is that my own voice didn’t sound quite the same anymore. My writing voice, both in social media and here had taken a turn a few weeks ago. Suddenly I was keenly aware of what I was tweeting, and ultimately not tweeting, because I was trying too hard.
Why would that ever happen? You ask.
Because in the midst of those weeks I became interested in someone. That someone was able to see my tweets and read my blog (I don’t necessarily think so high of myself to think he reads this, so I’m daring it to go out there). I started altering how I said things, wondering if he found them amusing at times, and ultimately paring back what I was saying because I figured I’d lose my appeal if I live tweeted Vampire Diaries. (But seriously I do sometimes with an author friend, Myra McEntire, since she watches as well)
When did you become THAT woman, Sara? Is what I had to ask myself last week. You see I was changing. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I was changing. For a guy. When I realized that fully, I realized that’s not okay with me.
It’s never okay to change who you are, your voice essentially for another individual, especially a man. It’s not healthy and it’s not being true to who you as God created you. I am willing to concede we all need to grow, mature, and shift at times in our lives. But that should be the moving of God in us and not another person.
I wasn’t going to write on this, out of fear of him seeing it. I am okay with it if he does, because ultimately he’ll never realize it’s about him and I am okay with that. I am not willing to mold myself to what a man thinks I should be. I am willing to mold to who God thinks I should be, nothing else and nothing more. If he’s not interested (and I will be very transparent in saying he is not), then that’s cool. It may harm the ego, but the ego could use some harming…it was far too big on itself anyways these days.
My prayer for each of you women and young ladies who may be reading this is…
You would be you. You would be the you who God loves, just as you are. You would be the you that is loved by an all-powerful and all-knowing God. He knows who you are, every good and bad of you. He’s the Man after your heart, and the only One worth changing for.