Last week I had the opportunity to participate in a listener focus group for a radio station here in Nashville. During the course of the evening’s discussion, an interesting story came up that I had forgotten about when I first moved to Nashville. Seeing as how I hit the one year mark last week of living in this fabulous city, I thought I should share this really embarrassing story.
When I moved to Nashville, I brought a car and a Uhaul packed with baggage. Now while this is true of all my belongings physically, I have to admit that I was bringing the exact same load emotionally and spiritually. In looking back over some of my posts from that time, I realize just how much I drug those miles from Maryville to Nashville. In that I harbored much unforgiveness. It was a pretty thing I held on to with pride. There were some situations and some individuals that I had said I had forgiven, but deep down I hadn’t let go of because I had not truly forgiven them. I know many of us struggle with forgiving others. Let me just say I am not proud of this fact in myself, but I am at times the worst. My mind is a steal trap to a fault and will recall those hurtful words or cutting looks from years gone by. I wish I could empty all that out and have room for the knowledge and wisdom of God’s truth to reside, but often I don’t. It’s difficult and I struggle.
So here I was tooling around in my new life here in Nashville with the same hurt, same unforgiveness, and same baggage I had in Maryville. And that’s when Chris August became my least favorite singer in the world, and Way-FM became the station I could not stand to listen to anymore. Every single time I got in my car, turned on the radio in my apartment, his song “7 x 70” would be on. It speaks of forgiveness…of doing it again and again. Let’s just say that made me angry because I wanted to keep my unforgiveness. The only person it was eating away at was me. I didn’t care. I felt justified in harboring it. So my frustration grew at Way-FM and Chris August for that song. I wish I was joking when I said how much that song kept coming on during the first month I was in Nashville.
It got to a point where I couldn’t even see the cd or the cover and God would start saying, “You know, that song was for you. You need to forgive and move forward.” So I stuck the cd in the freezer, ala Joey on Friends. I did with fist shaking and unforgiveness pouring out. I am happy to say that Chris is no longer in the freezer and that unforgiveness is no longer binding me to hurt and anger that I had when I moved. It’s a freeing moment when you can release your grip on those emotions and hurts and know God’s given you that peace of forgiveness.
So thank you to both Way-FM and Chris August for that song. While it aggravated me at the time, God was using you both to deal with some pretty ugly stuff in my life.
Check out 7×70 if you haven’t yet here.