As I reflect on February, I have had a real lack in passion, in drive for the majority of the last month. I was choosing to not work out, to eat very unhealthily, to have a poor attitude, to be very greedy, and ultimately to allow my spiritual life to lag. I do not say these things to brag, because I am ashamed of them. I lived the last month in constant state of frustration. It’s not a good look, let me assure you.
Over the last weekend, I felt it bubbling up in me. The weekend I had looked forward to with my sister visiting did not turn out how I would have wanted it…we had a great time and got to spend quality time together, but I didn’t feel like it was how it should have gone. Almost all day Sunday I was in a state of emotional unrest. Then something quite normal in the Christian life happened. God stepped in.
I had doubted His clear plan for me lately. I feared I had made the wrong decision and was looking at it in regret and frustration. Then these words from Scripture called out to me:
You ran well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? This persuasion does not come from Him who calls you. A little leaven leavens the whole lump. I have confidence in you, in the Lord, that you will have no other mind; but he who troubles you shall bear his judgment, whoever he is.-Galatians 5:8-10
That’s when I took it to the face. I had allowed myself to buy into the lies the devil was feeding me…the doubts, the fears. I was choosing frustration over freedom. To what gain? Absolutely none. It brought on more pain and strife than even I bore, as it cast it’s net wide to others. The sweetest moment, the sincerest snapshot of it all for me is from a very difficult conversation that happened with several individuals. A picture of grace and love poured out in a room where people were praying aloud, hearts were healed, restored, and peace reigned. All because He is the Redeemer, He is our King, and we are more than conquerors when we walk in His light and not our own. When we live in the confidence that rests in Him and not in ourselves or anything we do. When we run to Him instead of resting on our own fallen selves.
As difficult as moments have been, I would not exchange them for the utter beauty of grace, mercy, and love that God allowed us to glimpse…a picture of redemptive glory.