I will be the first to admit one of my weaknesses. It terrifies me to pray in public, especially out loud. Absolutely terrifying to me. However I have felt the nudging on more than one occasion by the Spirit to step up, step out, and pray aloud. Recently I have pushed it aside, pushed it down deep, attempting to ignore the Spirit more and more. Ah, funny thing about that…it’s sin. When you ignore the Spirit, being disobedient to the will and purpose, you are purposefully choosing to sin. Oh, how I was choosing it, in the hopes it would grow quiet.
Funny thing about the Holy Spirit, He works in right relationship with Christ and God. They are a mighty Trinity indeed, and One that I cannot attempt to forge a gag order on by any stretch. So I assumed I had quieted the Spirit, and God revealed His Word to me, words Christ had spoken. Oh, awesome. So on top of the battle against the Spirit, I was now fighting to ignore God’s Holy Word. Again, battle I should not have been attempting to wage but nonetheless tried in vain.
I found myself truly convicted during the service yesterday morning on this, as we took the Lord’s Supper. I don’t pray over my meals, giving thanks to God for His provision, remembering Him in those times as I break bread or drink from a cup. Those daily, momentary reminders that He sent His Son for me, for you, for us all. Who am I that I cannot take the time to remember Him, giving Him glory, honor and praise?
Today happened. This morning during my time of Bible study and prayer, God laid a simple request on my heart as I was praying over my students. His request? “Pray over them today.” And I knew. I knew exactly what that meant. They were presenting a huge proposal to senior leadership today. They had poured all of themselves into this over the last few weeks and had reached this pivotal moment. As we convened in the office before going to the meeting, the President asked if anyone else wanted to pray for them before they left. I greeted that open door, thankful for the time and the pause of praying over the six students I work closest with. They may never know just how special and raw that moment was for me, and I am okay with that. That was my teachable moment and God knew I needed it more than they did.
This theme of weakness played out alot over the last three days as I truly see that in accepting and realizing my weakness, it does not make me less of a person. It makes me a fallen woman, made in the image of God, seeking redemption and righteousness through Christ, and knowing fully I will not be made whole and perfect on this side of eternity. This knowledge does not give me cause to abuse the grace which is given me daily, along with new mercies. This knowledge seeks to embolden me to live rightly, love wholly, and be a banner for God’s kingdom. My weakness is made whole in Christ. Its the acceptance of weakness that allows me to know I must live in Him, through Him, and with Him every moment of every day.
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.-2 Corinthians 12:9