In two weeks exactly, I hit a small milestone in life. Or so I have been told. I will be turning 30. I am not quite sure how I feel about this Like it or not though, it will happen. The past few months have brought upon some major life changes for me and I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge those as I move forward.
I moved…it was a big move. One that I languished over and questioned, even after I knew it was where God wanted me to be. Being in Knoxville for almost 12 years, I grew very comfortable there. Sevier Heights had become my home and it saddened me to leave. However, God plotted this out. It is His Hand on my life and I learned to stop questioning His timing and His plans. Now being in Nashville for two weeks, I see why He brought me here. You would think after all these instances of His showing me glimpses of a piece of His plan I would stop doubting and being fearful…
Reflecting on the impending birthday, I came to some rather “adult” conclusions about my life. Friendships are built on two people sharing, loving, and being a part of one another’s lives. I have learned through some very difficult times that God has given me several great friends who I haven’t truly acknowledged, who I have not given back to as much as I should. To those of you who have listened to me prattle on, cry, and freak out on over the last seven months THANK YOU could never be enough….
It’s also made me realize I have invested in certain friendships that when the rose-colored lens was removed, were not truly friendships. They were one-sided…lopsided…and emotionally draining on me. They were what I term them to be energy vampires. I realized that one friendship that I had poured alot into the last year was not healthy. Every one else could tell me that, but until I realized it…until I came to the conclusion myself…I was going to continue to allow it to drain me. I love this individual to death, do not get me wrong. However I can no longer continue to give in, to care with so much of myself and be strung along. It hurts to even type that, but it is what it is…I just chose for far too long to think better of this person, to expect more of them. In the end, that is my own fault, not their’s. I placed expectations upon them as a friend that I should not have…I thought they would be a better friend than they truly were. Again, I take the blame on that…great expectations, eh?
The other big conclusion I have developed in reflecting on the last thirty years and what is ahead for me is that I am the one who chooses whether to be content with where I am in God…in where He takes me…in where I follow Him to. It’s on me. I choose contentedness. Or I can choose discontent. I can choose to sulk, be wrapped up in drama or issues that have no real concern when compared with eternity. I have that choice to make and I must reap the consequences of that decision…or enjoy the glorious benefits of it.
I am sure I will have more grand revelations as I age…(okay even I had to laugh at the typing at of that statement). I am certain of one thing: God is in control of my life, I have the freedom of choice, and I choose to live a life glorifying Him in all things including my choices and my friendships.