Taking a siesta today from my normal posts to talk about relationships…
Recently I was asked if I liked a particular guy. I scoffed immediately when it was asked, because we’re friends, we’re similar in personality traits, and to be honest, I hadn’t really thought of him that way. In my normal approval addict mode, I then began to wonder if others thought that, and more specifically if he did. So I, in some new found confidence (still trying to figure that one out), asked him if I’d given him that impression. We went back and forth for a moment and then these words just stumbled out of me…”and you’re not my type….I’m not your type anyways.”
What is that phrase and why do we say it?!
It’s really gotten me to thinking more on this phrase as I searched to define it for myself. I think in all honesty we say that as a defense mechanism. Oh you’re not my type because I really do like you and am afraid of rejection. Oh you’re not my type because you’d be good for me for once instead of the crap I’ve been dating. Oh you’re not my type because I don’t even have a clue what my type is anymore. It’s a way for us to explore the possibility without actually putting ourselves on the line. I’m not pointing fingers, as I did it too very recently. I think too often it shuts another person out, it allows us to stay safe in our singleness, growing comfortable with the ideal person rather than taking a risk on an individual who might just be who God has intended for us.
Do we settle for a life with someone who fits into a paper list? Or do we take a chance on someone who could bring new adventures and ideas into our life? What if, of instead of going down a list of requirements our companion had to fill, we sought how we might fulfill a need they had? Not that I’m saying we need to become insanely into sports, or that we need to take up knitting in order to bait someone we’d typically not see as a potential mate. We need to stay true to who we are as individuals and to who God has created us to be, knowing He’s knit this all together for His glory. I don’t believe fakeness or pretending have any place in a relationship, whether it be friendship or dating or marriage. (I also don’t believe in throwing yourself repeatedly at a person is appropriate, but that’s another topic for another day entirely.) But if you’re not letting him lead now in the pursuit of a deeper relationship, then it’s setting up the wrong tone for a what you hope is a life together.
As I sit and think over that question again, and my response of “not my type” I can’t help but regret those words. I wonder if I shut something down that was meant to be flung open…and maybe it still will. That’s something I’ve got to leave in God’s trusting care that if more is to come from it, He’ll bring it about for His good work and purpose, and not from my own selfish pursuit. However, today I am consciously aware that my type hasn’t worked out so well for me in the 14+ years in the dating world, so it’s time I threw that list out and took a chance.