Don’t you love being thrown a statement-grenade like that? God had that one flash through my mind this week as I was complaining about my current circumstance. I was giving Him the “really?!” look as I was wallowing in self-pity. Yeah, pretty sight to behold let me tell you.
Thankfully God has His own way of revealing things, in due time, and He sure did. All week I’d been just mucked down over this circumstance. I’d let the devil remind me yet again of a weakness I had and I began the topple down the mountaintop God had brought me to earlier in the week. (Pause to praise God in the glory of provision…my balance for my mission trip was significantly less than I had record of thanks to the generous and loving hearts at Sevier Heights…whoever provided, THANK YOU for being led by God) I struggled, more than I truly wanted to admit to myself with this circumstance. I struggled with the thought train that went along with it, and I wrestled with the person involved in the situation as well. It’s not like I can cut this circumstance out, carve it out of my life, leave it to the side, and move along nicely. This is a part of me and sadly, it started to define me this week. I could visibly see myself working up to a meltdown because I chose to ignore the situation I was in…I chose to just step back and not handle it…thinking it’d float away on it’s own.
Aw, if only it were that simple. You see, I defined my circumstance as something not of my own choosing nor doing, but of it being thrust upon me. Ah, and there’s the rub…the lie from the devil that I bought. I was merely a bystander that was unwittingly cast as the main character in the drama. I thought God had dropped this bomb on me and left me to deal with the fallout. Ah, if only it were from God…it reminds me of the Israelites. Oh how we love them. We love to point at them, their lack of faith, their stupidity in the desert as God’s glory went before them day and night…guiding their path. They strayed, they questioned, they mocked, and they most of all, complained of their circumstance. On repeated occasions.
I think my favorite example is when the manna continues to rain from heaven and they complain they are sick of bread and want meat…so God sends quail. An abundance of quail…and they complain about that. I am quick to question how they could complain about the provision of food. I’m quick to judge them on questioning God, when I, in fact, do it habitually. It’s been said you do something every day for 21 days and it will become a habit. Well, I have a habit of questioning God in my circumstance. Today though…oh today, He spoke in the loving way He does so often with this nugget. (I’ve taken to calling them God-sized nuggets)
Circumstances are times when I realize my own ineptitude at living this God-filled life and my total need for reliance upon Christ in all things.
Now my definition of my circumstance has changed drastically to an unessential or secondary accompaniment of any fact or event (thanks Webster online!). It’s all secondary to what God is doing in me in that moment, to Who my God is, and the way I rely upon Him in those times. My prayer is that God would define my circumstance instead of my circumstance defining me.