Rending the Veil

You can’t just wander into the Presence of God.”

That quote has stuck with me since it was said in passing by someone on Sunday. They were speaking in regards to how even in the Old Testament, everything pointed to the cross. The need for the cross, the need for a Savior, the need for the veil to be torn. I find it no coincidence that this exact same topic was the focus of small group on Monday evening as well.

So often I find myself sitting just outside the Holy of Holies, usually cross-legged and cross-armed waiting. I busy myself with the many things within the Holy Place without ever pushing on through into the very Presence of God Almighty. He wills that I should push through and live my whole life in the Holy of Holies. He waits right there for me. To thrust His Fullness of Glory on me, for me to walk through and stand there humbly in His Presence. With the sacrifice at the cross, the veil was torn, forever removing the barrier between my sinful self and God’s Holy Presence. Christ is my access point. Yet I continue to believe in, and attempt to sew back together, that barrier of the veil.

It’s a control issue. I have such a problem relinquishing control over to the Sovereign Lord of the Universe. I cannot let it go. It’s something I didn’t fully come to realize I was doing until recently. Several times God kept reminding me that I needed to let go of the situation. I’d look at Him, as a child often does, and say “I’m not touching it,” as my hand was firmly planted on the breakable item with crazy glue in one hand and one of the broken pieces in the other. During my small group study reading of The Pursuit of God by AW Tozer, this quote came out at me and was a neon sign over my life:  

“Let us beware of tinkering with our inner life in hope ourselves to rend the veil. God must do everything for us. Our part is to yield and trust.
For the last bit I’ve been attempting to tinker with my inner life. I’ve been the one trying to figure things out, and make them fit into a nice, neat box with pretty wrappings and a bow, all the while it looks like the overturned garbage can that the local hounds have rummaged through. I thought I could lay hold of the thick, heavy veil, that I had hung up myself, between myself and God’s Presence and rip it in two. The issue is Christ already did it, I just keep finding ways to attempt to stitch it back up…through rebellion, disobedience, not trusting in the God who loves me and wants the absolute best of me in order to bring Him glory. 
Sunday evening I found myself uncontrollably upset following Dr. Harkins message during a quiet time of prayer individually. I finally admitted to God how freaked out and scared I truly was, about everything He’s been doing in my life. I kept repeating over and over, “I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m terrified.” For right now, at present, that was the ONE STEP God needed from me, out of obedience, of me getting my hands off the veil that I had attempted to rehang again.

In the wee hours of this morning, I came into His Holy Presence through that veil and resided with Him. It was an amazing time, however frustrating at the start to lie awake for hours questioning decisions and recent events, to spend alone with my God. For me to be quiet, and listen. For Him to say to me, “I know my child, I’ve been here waiting for you…YOU.” I slugged through this day in a fog, feeling like I hadn’t really heard Him right, as I was on my knees next to my bed this morning. It’s confirmed in me, this burning desire to reside in His Presence, to be in the Holy of Holies as His child, and to know He’s the One doing everything, not my fallible self.

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