One month fully out of one context of leadership has shown me things about myself I didn’t truly realize. All for good…all for God’s good and ultimate glory. All for my betterment and refinement as a child of the King. But still quite difficult, even now. I’ve had to do this though. I truly felt God leading me on this one, however difficult and strained it has been. God needed to focus me…He still does, however hard I try to distract myself.
Of late it’s been a particular distraction that keeps popping up. I’ve allowed it to happen, over and over again. I search it out some moments, and others it will completely wallop me upside the head just begging to have my attention more. I’ve been struggling on it, and obviously losing. It seems just as I’m no longer being diverted with the issue, I get blind-sided by it again from out of nowhere. Often I buy into it, and then hear myself or catch how I am coming across and it scares me. It utterly terrifies me…because I see it. I see it, but I continuously welcome it into my life, my head, and worst of all, my heart. I deceive myself with it more than I’d like to admit. That’s not who I am, not who God’s commanded me to be….how He’s called me to live. It’s not who I want to be. That distraction isn’t my purpose, nor what I should look to in any way, shape, or form.
As I was coming home from the gym tonight, I was back to dwelling on this issue when I recalled our leadership training four months ago. “What’s that one step I’m willing to take?” This time around it’s a step away…I have to step away from this distraction…I have to step forward to the altar and lay it down. Leaving it there. I have to commit this to God, knowing I cannot be distracted by something deceptively good right now, or ever for that matter. God’s showing me just how detrimental it is, and how much He longs for me to lay it down to focus ENTIRELY and COMPLETELY on Him.
This time, the one step…is forward and away.