Leading…even when you don’t feel like it.

Pastor Hollie preached a couple of weeks ago on a call from God, “Leadership.”  It was meant as encouragement for all Bible fellowship and small group leaders (that’d be me). It was honestly quite convicting for me to hear (thanks God). As of late, I have been lax in my leadership.  I have let things slide and really not cared much about contacting people.  In all honesty, it stemmed from the fact I feel like an utter failure.  I look at other leaders who are forging new leaders under them and who are always so strong.  I’m not.  That’s not me, or at least that’s what the devil’s been telling me.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve, I struggle, and I feel like I’m not a leader.

I keep fighting this battle.  Brother Hollie pointed out that both Isaiah and Jeremiah experienced disappointments in their ministry.  His focus was on the point that they were obedient to God’s call for them, regardless if people heard or received.  That point stuck with me.  That is exactly where I’m at in my leading.  I have to realize the fact that God yearns for my obedience in His will for me.  Leading is a part of His will that He prepared me for.When I question my leadership abilities, I am questioning the very truth of God’s will for my life.

Pastor Hollie touched on the other big issue I struggle with on leadership. I warn you I’m being very honest and open about what’s on my heart right now. Loving others is a commitment of the heart.  God has commanded us to love one another.  Loving others is more than a feeling or emotion.  He pointed out that we should think about the way Jesus was treated, and then ask ourselves if we think He felt like loving people.  To love like He did, I must commit to the Holy Spirit and serving people-regardless of who or of circumstance. 

“If this is what ministry is like, I want no part of it.” I’ve had that recurring thought alot recently, with all of the struggles and doubts that have come up at me.  While talking to a sister in Christ a few weeks ago about this very thing, she pointed out something pretty profound.  She said that none of us would choose this for ourselves-these days of dealing with broken people and struggling in our own battles with the devil.  The pain, the hurt, the ache within.  None of this we gladly check off on a menu and order it up for our lives.  That is what makes the difference-under my own human selfish nature, there’s no doubt I’d run as fast as I could in the opposite direction from ministry work.  But God is greater than my self, and He’s stronger than my will, and He plots out my course to walk along in this life with Him. 

God has called each of us to ministry work…whether we’re on leadership or not. We wouldn’t be doing it otherwise.  For me, that’s intense and I have to realize and accept that is nothing I do in this that makes a bit of difference.  What changes everything is my openness to to allow God to use me in each aspect of my life so that I can get a glimpse of His awesomeness and power.  Nothing of mine plays a role in it.  I am merely a conduit for God to shine through, if I get out of the way and allow Him to do so.

Colossians 3:2: Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

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