Singleness of Heart

“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord.”-1 Corinthians 7:32


So I thought my first post back from the mission trip would be in regards to the trip.  However I am still processing and praying through so much of it right now.  And God’s really laid this on my heart, even while I was gone.  For a very long time I wasn’t okay with being single at my age.  I couldn’t quite comprehend why God would be allowing me to meet all the wrong guys for me in my search for who He wanted me to be with.  My focus started shifting somewhere, and I cannot quite pinpoint where in this case.  God started showing me that the idea of marriage and my focus on it shouldn’t be what consumes my thoughts and my heart, but that He should be the one consuming me.  I finally started letting go of it and God really started showing up in my life in areas I couldn’t have dreamed.
I feel like much of the time society and it’s culture attempt to label those of us who are single as outcasts at a certain age, that there is something inevitably wrong with us because we are single.  However, the issue seems to be even more prevalent within the walls of the church.  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had marrieds come talk to me and the first question is “are you married?” Then the utter disappointment on their face when I say no.  And if they are under the age of 40, the woman will always link her arm in her husband’s or snuggle in close to him. I kid you not.  I really want to stop the conversation right there and say “Hey, I’m not after him.  That’s not my M-O and I’m thankful God placed Him in your life.”  Now I realize there are some single women (and men too for that matter) in the church who attend to spouse-hunt.  Whether that’s in a singles ministry or not, they will inevitably be sifted out as being in church to find a spouse because “that’s where the best ones are at.” (Especially if they hit a church with a single pastor-it’s like the golden egg for them)  That’s not why I attend church.  That’s not why I serve in leadership.  And that’s most definitely not why I form friendships with men in our church.
I will say this…and freely admit it happened to me very recently.  You can lose your focus in the midst of some really heavy God-working moments when you’re mind isn’t fully focused on Him…when you’ve allowed yourself to start thinking again that this may be the one God intends for you.  And you pray about it and God gives you back a very blatant answer of “No, not now.” Don’t try to force God’s hand on it…He’s not moved.  I realized I’d attempted to force His hand and His timing in a friendship that was just tumultuous.  There was alot of hurt and heartache wrapped up in the last couple of months over it.  Then I realized something while I was away….this guy was not who God intended for me and that I was trying to make him be who God intended for me and that my focus had moved from pleasing the Lord to pleasing myself again.  I had to ask forgiveness from him first before I could go to God and ask for forgiveness from Him.  It was hard realizing it and then actively asking to be forgiven.  But you know, I am glad I experienced all of it.  The cost of disobedience is incredibly high…but God uses that in us to show us that He truly cares for us and has the best worked out for us.
So….while all of this has gone on, I’ve been reading in Paul’s writings. (Yes we all know by now my deep-seeded love for Paul and his writings) And I kept coming back to this verse in 1 Corinthians.  Then I read a facebook post from the Singles pastor about being single, and the people who struggle to understand it, especially in the church.  I was reminded that Paul was single, John the Baptist was single, and Christ was single.  The One whom we serve and praise knows what it is like to be single on this earth, and have those moments of quietness in our lives when no one is around.  He knows, he sympathizes, and He’s right there with us.  A huge peace swept over me and I’ve really dwelt on the possibility that God may not intend to have someone for me to marry.  And that He’s got something much greater in store for me-like the mission field. I pray I may care for the things of the Lord and how to please Him each and every day and in each and every way.

2 thoughts on “Singleness of Heart

  1. Oh wow, how I needed to read this tonight!!! (And you're right, how funny we both covered singleness in our blogs!) I have to admit that, while I'm at church to worship the Lord, if my eye catches a guy that isn't sitting with a girl my mind sizes up the possibilities. I guess that's just natural, but I have to actively tell myself to knock it off because that's not why I'm there. BTW, welcome back!!!! I've missed your posts! I can't wait to hear about the trip…I've been praying for you! :o)

  2. Thanks so much…and I cannot deny I catch myself doing it too, but more recently I've let my prayer be before I enter the doors of the church to have God focus my mind on Him and why I'm there…Sorry I've not blogged much about it…slowly but surely I'm getting around to it. I took over 170 pictures, which Facebook just loved me posting.

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