I’m just going to be super real and transparent right now….I’m flipping out about the Mexico trip in less than three weeks. I don’t do this, it ain’t like me….From the moment Tyler (my encouragement advisor for the trip) emailed the details out with a schedule and pack list on Thursday I’ve had an internal buildup of utter freaking going on. It boiled out today…like way out. To the point I sat in the worship with my mind completely elsewhere…I was checked out all during Bible fellowship (I apologize to Dustin for that, seriously) The sermon was on “Worship” in our Life Applications series, and Pastor Hollie did an amazing job on presenting the message but I just wasn’t feeling it this morning. I definitely was not prepared to be in worship at all. My mind wasn’t focused on God, on giving Him glory, honor, and praise. I wasn’t listening to His words from the pulpit. Frankly, I was preoccupied and probably would have been better off staying home than making a show of being in the pew today.
I know I need to get in His word and dwell, and pray. I know God will provide me with the strength, but honestly, I’m at a breaking point right now. I’m so overwhelmed and scared beyond words. I’ve had numerous friends tell me that I am strong and God’s not given me this without His strength and care as well. Honestly, right now, I wish I could that their words meant alot, but they just feel like lip service and what I should want to hear…but I really don’t want to hear it.
Yes, there’s been other stuff going on that have influenced this major meltdown of my innards…I’ll just lay that out there too. I’m not going to talk about it because I’m still sorting out alot of that as well in my mind…but just know that I’m on edge with alot right now. Prayers are requested, but please don’t be offended if I just really cannot appease your “advice” right now. It’s definitely not any of you, because I know those who are saying it are genuine….it’s me.. I’m just processing things right now at a very odd pace.